Not to long ago, I had a talk about sex with mom (precautions and promises I made because of my long term boyfriend at the time). I guess she came to accept I'm not too "innocent" when it comes to the subject. I've realized more of its need in our society. I'm not against it, but I have observed it's different aspects. It's a tough subject: not many people talk about it.
I personally disagree with that. There's a huge difference between the vulgarity people bring upon the subject and the maturity within the matter.
I've been watching this new series; it really has captured my attention in a way the others have not. The main character is peculiar: empty yet good at making himself look like he's seemingly normal. He's a serial killer who works with forensics blood work. He lives by a code to save himself and to attempt feeding his hunger. He puts his effort on seeming normal for the sake of his true self.
This series takes place in where I live. Sex is a pretty big thing here. Our Latin background brings forth passion and drive for heat and exhilaration. The angles of the camera and what it films captures that pretty well. Of course like any show, sometimes it's just for the hell of it. Viewers like it. More ratings. More money. Anyway, that's besides the point.
My mother until this point in my life has always told me to shut my eyes or has covered them for me every time there is a sex scene when we watch something (I guess I'm extremely sheltered in that sense). She probably realized that it's inevitable for the topic to follow me throughout my journey through life and is also aware of my love for crime scene/forensic-based series.
She asked me, "Do you know why people have sex?". My response was, "If it isn't for procreating, people do it for pleasure. People get married for the wrong reasons at time and do it to have kids or they abuse of their freedom and enjoy the endless hours of pleasure without thinking of any consequence". I saw how she comprehended that I was aware of the topic. Ever since that question, I've pondered upon the subject of sex.
I was aware that it's a huge thing in everyone's life. If you don't want it, it's because you've had it. If you want it, it's because once you tried it and love it. It's what makes breaking up so much harder. It's what makes people criminals at times. It's an intimacy, more than just physical.
What makes the series so interesting is that the main character is empty, feels nothing. He doesn't even desire sex. However, he reaches a point in which he cracks (barely) and decides to have sex suddenly with his girlfriend one night (she's unaware he doesn't care for it, he uses the excuse of whenever she's ready).
It's this need to try and feel something other than the reality of things, an escape. A need to find more. A need to forget. A need to make it last. A need...
Euphoria. (and not just sex, just happiness, manic in general)
High school students look for euphoria. Period. We want to feel well, happy, content. We want to feel whole. We want to feel normal "again". We want to undo our wrongs and make more of them along the way as well. We want to experience and know, and once we do, we do it again or wish that we didn't in the first place or wish we hadn't the second time either.
We feel our boyfriend will love us more if we instill euphoria but we know that we want it too...because we need it. We feel our girlfriend will stay if you feed her euphoria at all the right times. We feel our classmate will pay attention if we offer euphoria. We wish someone would offer it to us. We begin to yearn for it and need it.
Many of us want this. We want to replicate what we see on the screen in between sheets giving off heat that we wish would only remain. We want to be held in these tough, gentle clutches of someone we feel connected to. We want for a moment to feel...good, to feel happy.
We have times where we feel so low, we need someone, we need ourselves, our happiness. We want to feel good, feel those highs again.
That is what sex is and has been. That is what I've seen sex become, or replace. That's my opinion for now.
